Lemon Meringue Pie

Our next food item is a strange enigma in my family. It's one of those things that, no matter how we tweak the recipe, it never quite turns out. Clearly Aunt Petunia doesn't have that problem:

"They got all the way through the soup and salmon without a single mention of Harry's faults; during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them all with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company; then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy" (Prisoner of Azkaban 27).

My grandmother made fantastic lemon meringue pie. But somehow, no one ever seemed to get the complete recipe from her. In hopes that I might end the failed pie cycle, I decided to make the recipe found in The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook.

I still kind of failed. I had a beautiful crust, and fabulous meringue on top of a delicious... lemon soup. Thick lemon soup, but still soup. So below, I will add my suggestions for how you might avert failure if you attempt this recipe yourself.

For the Pie Crust, You Will Need:

1 1/4c cups all-purpose flour

2 Tbs sugar

1/2 tsp salt

4 Tbs unsalted butter, cut into chunks

4 Tbs vegetable shortening, chilled and cut into chunks

4-6 Tbs ice water (I used 5)

For the Lemon Filling, You Will Need:

1 1/4 cups sugar

1/3 cup cornstarch

1 1/2 cups water

4 egg yolks, lightly beaten

1/2 cup lemon juice

1 Tbs grated lemon zest

2 Tbs unsalted butter

For the Meringue Topping, You Will Need:

4 large egg whites, at room temperature

1/4 tsp cream of tartar

14 tsp salt

12 tsp vanilla

1 cup granulated sugar

1. For the crust, combine the flour, sugar, and salt in the bowl of a food processor and pulse a couple times to combine.

2. Sprinkle the butter and shortening chunks over the flour and pulse 15 or so times, until the mixture resembles coarse yellow meal.

3. Turn the mixture out into a large mixing bowl. Sprinkle with 4 Tbs ice water, and toss with a spatula until the dough starts to clump together. If the dough is too dry, add more water 1 Tbs at a time.

4. Gather the dough into a ball, flatten it into a disk, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate at least 1 hour  or up to 3 days.

5. On a floured surface, roll out the dough into an 11" circle. Fold into quarters and then unfold in your pie pan (not pulling or stretching!). Trim the dough, leaving 1" of overhang, which you should fold under and crimp the edges with a fork. Prick the bottom and sides with a fork. Place the crust in the freezer for about 30 minutes.

6. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Spread a sheet of aluminum foil inside the frozen pie crust; press the foil into the edges and be sure to cover the rim. Fill with pie weights or dry beans and bake until the crust is dry and set, 15-20 minutes (mine was much closer to 20).

7. Reduce the temperature to 350 degrees, remove the foil and weights, and continue to bake until the crust is golden brown, about 8 more minutes.

8. For the filling, combine the sugar, cornstarch, and water in a small/medium heavy-bottomed saucepan and stir until the cornstarch is dissolved.

9. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens. You must stir very gently, because vigorous stirring will destroy the thickening power of the cornstarch!

10. Whisk in the yolks and continue cooking and stirring until the mixture is thick and bubbling. This takes a long time. Do not turn up the heat, do not stir too vigorously, and really wait until it's bubbling. I pulled mine off the heat as soon as I saw a bubble because it seemed to be getting too thick (wrong choice).

11. Remove from the heat and gently stir in the lemon juice, lemon zest, and butter. Stir until fully incorporated.

12. For the meringue, beat the egg whites, cream of tartar, salt, and vanilla until soft mounds form. Always be sure with meringue that your beaters and bowl are completely clean and grease free! Slowly add the sugar while beating on medium speed. Increase the speed to medium high and beat until the egg whites are stiff and glossy but not dry.

13. To assemble the pie, preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Pour the filling into the crust. I recommend chilling the pie at this point. The filling should thicken as it cools, and the Ms. Bucholz' recipe doesn't mention this. After it's chilled/thick, spread the meringue over the filling, taking care to seal the edges to prevent shrinking (spread the meringue all the way onto the crust rim). Make peaks and swirls with a spoon (they'll expand as it cooks).

14. Bake the pie until the meringue browns, about 15 minutes. Cool the pie before serving. Serve cold or at room temperature. 

So, even though my pie kind of turned into soup, it was still delicious. Good luck with your pie, and enjoy!

Salmon

We have reached a food that is on my least-favorites-ever list. Right up there with cottage cheese. Yes, I'm aware that most people enjoy both of these things. I don't. Apparently, the Dursleys enjoy it as well:

"They got all the way through the soup and salmon without a single mention of Harry's faults; during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them all with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company; then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy" (Prisoner of Azkaban 27).

One might wonder how we're going to make vegetarian salmon... but we're going to attempt it anyway! I found a recipe online for "Raw Vegan Better-Than-Salmon Loaf". So that's what we're going to try!

You Will Need:

2 cups almonds (soaked overnight and drained)

2 carrots, peeled (if you chop them too, it'll be easier)

1/2 cup red sweet onion, finely chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

1/2 red bell pepper, finely diced

1.5 cups celery, finely minced

1/2 cup parsley, minced

1/4 cup scallions, minced

1/4 freshly squeezed lemon juice

2 tsp kelp powder (they have it at Whole Foods)

1 tsp dulse powder (they have this at Whole Foods too)

1 tsp kosher salt

1. Place the almonds, carrots, and red onions in the bowl of a food processor and run until everything is very fine and sticks together, a bit like a grainy paste.

2. Transfer into a large bowl and add the rest of the ingredients. Mix thoroughly (using your hands probably works best).

3. Shape into a loaf or cake on your serving dish and place in the fridge for at least 3, but preferably 6 hours before serving.

This is pretty tasty! It also doesn't taste anything at all like salmon :) My mom, who loves salmon, says she could kind of, sort of, maybe, get a hint of salmon flavor (that would be from the kelp and the dulse, I imagine). Regardless of its (lack of) salmon-ness, it's very tasty! Enjoy it on crackers, or as a topping to a bagel with cream cheese! Or with hummus and pita chips! If, however, you are looking for more of a traditional salmon substitute, you may want to sample May Wah Vegetarian Salmon. I've never tried it, but it looks pretty legit, and very affordable! So go have some "salmon" and enjoy!

On a bagel! Yummy!

Soup

We have reached the first new food item to appear in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! How exciting! Too bad it feels like march outside instead of January, making it far less desirable (kind of like dinner with Aunt Marge):

"They got all the way through the soup and the salmon without a single mention of Harry's faults; during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them all with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company; then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy" Prisoner of Azkaban 26).

Ms. Rowling does not specify what kind of soup Harry enjoys with the Dursleys, which means I get to choose! I will be making a soup I created when I was about 16 as a substitute for a delicious but meat-filled soup my dad always made in wintertime. And so we shall make Vegetable Dumpling Soup! Heads up, I don't really do measurements when making this soup, I kind of just throw ingredients in until it looks good :)

You Will Need:

10 (ish) cups water

vegetable boullion paste (or you can use cans of vegetable broth instead of water and boullion, but it's not as good)

carrots, chopped

onions, chopped

celery, chopped

potatoes, chopped (you can peel them if you want to)

a small bag of frozen peas

a bay leaf

salt and pepper, to taste

a little bit of flour and milk

1 can of Grands Homestyle Buttermilk Buscuits

1. Add your cold water to a large pot and throw in the potatoes. You always want to add potatoes to cold water when cooking them, and then heat the pot so that all the pieces of potato cook evenly.

2. As the water heats up, add the boullion paste according to the package instructions (ish). I recommend dissolving a couple teaspoons at a time and then tasting it. You don't want it to be too salty! Or too bland!

3. Add the carrots, onions, celery, and the bay leaf. Bring to a boil.

4. Turn the heat down a bit and add the peas.

5. In a small cup, mix together about 1/2 cup milk with a Tablespoon or so of flour. Whisk out any clumps, and then stir it into the soup. It will immediately get cloudy-looking (what you've done is thickened the broth so it will support the biscuits).

6. Open your can of biscuits, peel them apart, and place them gently on top of the soup's surface. Hopefully your pot is big enough that they all fit (even if a bit squished). Cover.

7. Raise the temperature a little to a heavy simmer and cook until the biscuits are cooked. It might be tricky to tell, because they'll be a little slimy-looking from the broth. Honestly, I generally know my soup is done because that's right about when it boils over... but try to avoid that.

8. To serve, use a ladle to scoop out a biscuit into a bowl, then kind of "ice fish" through the biscuit hole to get to the soup and ladle it over the biscuit. 

This soup is sooooo delicious. Who needs crackers? There's a biscuit right in the soup! It's even good re-heated the next day (though at that point it's much more dumplings with veggies than soup!). I hope you like it! And hopefully you don't have to endure an Aunt Marge while you enjoy it!

Rolls

One of the most decadent breakfast foods around is also the next food to appear on our list (and the last new food item to appear in Chamber of Secrets!):

Percy didn't smile back. "Pass me those rolls, Harry, I'm starving" (Chamber of Secrets).

Yes, yes, simple rolls are not very decadent at all. But Dinah Bucholz seems to think that J.K. Rowling was referring to "Cinnamon Pull-Apart Breakfast Rolls" (i.e., cinnamon buns). Since that is the recipe included in The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook, that is the recipe I will be using today. Heads up, this recipe takes several hours to make.

For the Dough, You Will Need:

1/4 cup warm water

1 Tbs (1 package) active dry yeast

1 Tbs granulated sugar

2/3 cup whole milk

1/2 stick (4Tbs) butter

3 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp salt

2 large eggs

1/3 cup granulated sugar

For the Cinnamon Filling, You Will Need:

1 Tbs butter, melted

1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar

1 Tbs ground cinnamon

For the Icing, You Will Need:

1 cup confectioner's sugar, sifted

4 oz cream cheese, softened

1 Tbs heavy cream

1/2 tsp vanilla

1. Combine the water, yeast, and 1Tbs sugar in a small mixing bowl and set aside until puffy.

2. Heat the milk and butter in a small saucepan (or the microwave) until the butter is melted. Set aside.

3. Whisk together the flour and salt and set aside.

4. In yet another bowl, whisk together the eggs and sugar, then whisk in the milk-butter mixture.

5. Add the yeast and egg mixtures to the flour and stir to combine (it's helpful to whisk 1/2 cup if the flour into the egg mixture first until smooth before combining everything).

6. Knead the dough until it's smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes.

7. Place the dough in an oiled bowl, turing to coat, and cover. Leave in a warm place until doubled in size, 1.5 to 2 hours.

8. Grease and flour a 9x13" pan. 

9. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and roll (or press) out into a 16x12" rectangle.

10. Brush the melted butter over the dough.

11. Combine the brown sugar and cinnamon and sprinkle generously over the dough within 1/2" of the edges.

12. Roll up the dough long ways and cut off the messy ends if you want (I didn't).

13. Use dental floss (no, really!) to cut the roll in halves until you have 12 rolls.

14. Lay the rolls in the prepared pan and leave them to rise until the rolls are all touching and reach the rim, about 1.5 to 2 hours.

15. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and bake the rolls for 20 minutes until golden brown.

16. Let the rolls cool for 10 minutes before inverting the rolls out of the pan, and then flipping them again onto a serving dish.

17. To make the icing, beat the icing ingredients together with a fork (if you don't sift the powdered sugar, the icing will be lumpy).

18. Spread the icing over the warm rolls and eat as soon as possible. They really don't keep well for more than a couple hours!

Wow, these are some delicious cinnamon buns! The icing is really cream-cheesy, very rich, unlike most frozen cinnamon buns you would buy from the market. Delicious. And as I predicted, very decadent. Enjoy!

Fruitcake

Our next item is one that gets kind of a bad rap during the holidays... it is also an item that I somehow managed to skip when we were still in Sorcerer's Stone. But too bad, here's the the second time it's mentioned in the series:

"He [Hagrid] poured them both large mugs of boiling water (he had forgotten to add tea bags) and was just putting a slab of fruitcake on a plate when there was a loud knock on the door" (Chamber of Secrets 260).

The first time fruitcake is mentioned in the series, Uncle Vernon is using a slice of it to pound nails into the flap of the mail slot so Harry cannot receive his first Hogwarts letter. So we technically should have made it awhile ago. Whoops, guess we're making it today!

There are two recipes for fruitcake in The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook. We'll use the "Nutty Fruitcake for Kids" recipe.

You Will Need:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup finely ground almonds

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground allspice

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/8 tsp ground cloves

1/4 tsp salt

2 stick unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 1/4 cups packed dark brown sugar

grated zest of 1 orange

grated zest of 1 lemon

4 large eggs, at room temperature

1/2 cup orange marmalade

1/2 cup dark raisins

1/2 cup golden raisins

1/2 cup dried currants or sweetened dried cranberries

1/4 cup apple juice (or brandy)

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9" round cake pan that is at least 2 inches deep (I used a round casserole-ish dish, because my cake pans weren't deep enough).

2. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, ground almonds, spices, and salt.

3. In another large bowl, cream together the butter, sugar, and zest of the orange and lemon with an electric mixer, scraping down the sides as needed, until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. 

4. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each until incorporated. 

4th egg

5. Beat in the marmalade.

6. Stir in the flour mixture, then the raisins and cranberries, then stir in the apple juice.

7. With a spatula, give one final stir to be sure the batter is evenly mixed.

8. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 2 hours.

9. Remove the cake from the oven and leave it in the pan to cool for awhile.

10. Flip the cake out onto a serving platter. It should either be eaten then day it is made or wrapped really well in plastic wrap and freeze it for up to 2 months.

Definitely eat this cake the day it is made! And I think it is better served warm. I really think that fruitcake gets its reputation as a paperweight because (aside from being chock-full of fruit and very dense and heavy) it dries out very quickly, and thus gets very hard. But if you eat it quickly, it's the perfect compliment to a cup of tea or cocoa! Enjoy!